Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Due diligence (NOT counting coup!)

One thing that I think bothers K., as well as well-meaning members of my family, is that they think I haven't done due diligence in dating around and learning how I get along with lots of girls. On one level I can see their point because I haven't had a lot of girlfriends, or even a girlfriend, and I haven't kissed a lot of girls, or even a girl. At the same time, just because I don't talk about girls I've been seriously interested in doesn't mean that they don't/didn't exist. At lunch today, I tallied up the serious love interests in my life. Excluding the ones who were just simple crushes[1], counting only the ones I seriously investigated for real compatibility[2], I get eleven girls and 16.5 years cumulative. I'm going to be a cad here and use first names.

Melani: 3 yrs
Sierra: 3 yrs
Melinda: 1 yr
Debbie: 4.5 yrs
Jesse: 1 yr
Jenifer: .5 yr
Jane: 1 yr
Angie: .5 yr
Tara: .25 yr
Charlotte: 1.5 yr
Natalie: .25 yr

Now, this isn't all that long a list compared to some guys'. And some people would say you can't really get to know someone unless you were dating them at the time. I disagree, but do notice that the durations keep getting shorter, and if I put the years (e.g. 1995-1998) you'd see that the chart gets sparser. That's because I was learning, so during my twenties I probably overlooked a lot of girls very much like Sierra because I'd learned what it was about her that did, and didn't, attract me. So look, people, I've done due diligence! Yes, sure, I could still be wrong--I have a track record of being out of touch with my feelings, not noticing my emotions, in a way amusingly analogous to leprosy--which is probably a very insensitive thing to say, if there are any victims of Hansen's Disease here--but not in a way that more dating is going to solve. And I haven't given up on girls--I have a dinner date tomorrow with a nice girl I met recently--so if Somebody upstairs wanted to surprise me I'm doing the things to make that possible.

I think I just feel unjustly maligned, and kind of annoyed that by trying to be a gentleman and not discuss these romantic encounters I have people worrying about these things having not happened. Can't they assume that I'm doing my job? Because I am.

I suppose I take comfort in Miss Manners' relaying an old German proverb that "the essence of modesty is to be more than one appears. This saying antedates the invention of the Mercedes-Benz, paid for on installments."


[1] Which means J.F.R. doesn't count, even though I had a crush on her for years. But I never seriously thought we were compatible.

[2] Well, maybe Melani shouldn't be on this list because I wasn't at the point yet where I thought of issues like "compatibility." But she affected me enough that I'm putting her on the list anyway. And maybe Charlotte shouldn't be on the list either.
"The presentation or 'gift' of the Holy Ghost simply confers upon a man the right to receive at any time, when he is worthy of it and desires it, the power and light of truth of the Holy Ghost, although he may often be left to his own spirit and judgment." --Joseph F. Smith (manual, p. 69)

Be pretty if you are,
Be witty if you can,
But be cheerful if it kills you.


Anonymous said...

Just to say that you used a last name toward the end of this post...and maybe should stick to first names :-)

B.C. said...

Thanks. Fixed.