Sunday, February 3, 2013

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time there was a prophet named Moses who was in charge of a bunch of Israelites in the desert, probably the Sinai peninsula next to Saudi Arabia. There wasn't much food there, so God had arranged for food to appear (somehow) with the morning dew, around the camp. The people called this food "mana," meaning "Whatsit?", and for a while they were impressed. After a while, though, the miraculous morning mana meal began to seem less impressive, and people realized that it didn't have much of a taste. They began to complain about the taste of the mana to Moses, saying they wished they had stayed slaves in Egypt, where they could at least eat flesh like fish and fresh vegetables, instead of being trapped here in a desert, not being slaves.

This frustrated Moses to no end, because it was petulant and unreasonable, like the Israelites often were. Moses was sick of it. He asked God to just kill him so he wouldn't have to deal with them any more. God said "No. Instead I will give what they ask for: flesh, flesh, and more flesh until it comes out of their nostrils."

A couple of days later it started raining quails out of the sky. It rained quails until the whole camp was three feet deep in dead quails. The people were happy at first. And then a bunch of them died from a plague, which they probably caught from all the dead quails.

The end.

[From Numbers 11]

Hahahahaaaa!!! That is ME laughing at YOU, cruel world.
    -Jordan Rixon

I could not love thee, dear, so much,
Loved I not Honour more.

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