Is Anger Ever Appropriate?

[Written in response to the questions, "In what situations is anger desirable? Is it ever acceptable or encouraged?"]

I can think of a handful of situations where feeling and showing anger is appropriate and useful. In a situation where:

1.) You're communicating with someone too immature to understand rational argument;

2.) You don't feel any enmity or hostility towards the person;

3.) They have done something wrong and you need to communicate the seriousness of the offense;

In this situation, it could be useful to allow yourself to feel anger in such a way that the other person can tell. For example, if your three-year-old child breaks the family rules and runs outside the house alone and into the street, I don't think it would be harmful for the child to perceive that "mommy and daddy are really mad that I broke the rules and they say I could have been killed." Similarly, if one child is harming another child (hitting, biting), I can imagine that it might be more appropriate for certain children to feel that "mommy and daddy are mad that I hurt [other child] and they said I shouldn't ever hurt them ever again" instead of "mommy and daddy are sad that..." It probably depends on the child, but I can certainly imagine children who would pay more attention to anger than to grief.

When the Lord shows anger in the scriptures, all the cases I can think of fit this pattern. He is dealing with someone immature (like the Israelites), he still loves them, and they've done something very wrong.

If the other person weren't immature I think anger might still be okay to feel (as long as #2 and #3 are still satisfied) but it's not helpful per se. If your spouse does something that makes you mad, you can say, "I really, really didn't like it when you [did XYZ]", but you wouldn't lose any effectiveness if you weren't angry when you said it. In the case of an immature person though I think being calm can result in them missing your point. Immature, irrational people respond more readily to emotion than to logic, and if you give them the logic without the emotion they won't hear what you're saying. "That behavior is inappropriate in this context" doesn't mean the same thing to them as "STOP IT!!!!!".

-Max

 --

I could not love thee dear, so much,
Loved I not honor more.