[Responding to questionnaire taken from https://www.marriagebuilders.com/choosing-the-right-one-to-marry-2.htm?fbclid=IwAR2lOe9xcmN-U825aaUkY9yhADyYaGLxThLn4DHvM91krQZriQWK7JLpfj8. My responses to B.F. in brackets.]
However, you can make up your own version of the PREPARE test if you like. It won't be as sophisticated as the one a professional counselor would give you, but it could give you a rough idea of where you might have serious conflicts. But more importantly, it would help you understand how you would handle those conflicts after marriage.
Ask yourselves these questions:
1. Do you want to have children, and if so, how many? [Ideally I'd like four daughters named Samantha (Sam), Alexandra (Alex), Riley, and Jill.]
2. What religion do you want for our children? [I would like our family to be completely committed to the teachings of Jesus Christ, especially as taught in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.]
3. When our children are disobedient, how will you discipline them? [Ideally I'd like to raise my eyebrows and let them suffer the consequences of their own foolishness. I'm open to other approaches, especially when they are very young, but that's how I'd prefer to handle it. I'm a big believer in freedom of agency.]
4. How do you want to spend our vacations and holidays? [I'm not sure. For my own sake I'd probably just want to stay home, read books, and relax, but I expect that for the girls' sakes I'd want to frequently do things that give them new experiences, indoors, outdoors, and in the worlds of the mind.]
5. How much money do you expect me to earn? What if I never earned any money? [It would be fine with me if you never earned any money. In fact as a matter of fiscal discipline I would prefer it if we never, as a family, relied at all upon any money that you happened to earn even if you did feel like getting a professional job. That way you'd feel completely free to take any job you wanted, or leave any job you wanted, without any economic repercussions to family welfare. My goal is to make enough money for you to have that complete freedom.]
6. What kind of house would you like to own? Where would you like to live? [My mild preference is to have a house with no yard so there is no yardwork. If you decide that you want a yard because it looks nice I will do my best, because what's important to you should be important to me, but it's possible I might never learn to enjoy doing yardwork so please be patient.]
7. Do you expect me to make love to you whenever you want? If not, would you EVER expect me to make love to you? Would you leave me or have an affair if I never made love to you? [I don't think I would feel cheated if you never made love to me as long as we had a good friendship. That would obviously be inconvenient for our daughters, because they'd never get born, but as far as I'm concerned it's not something I feel like I need. I am not saying I won't feel physical desire for you and won't WANT to reach out to you that way, because you're super-cute and very desirable--but I don't think I would resent it if you hypothetically said "You're my best friend Max but I'm just not into touching and I think I never will be." I could be completely happy, I think, with a 100% verbal relationship with you, as long as I can count on you when I need you.]
8. If you don't like one of my friends, would you want me to give up the friendship? [I'm really not sure. At minimum I'd want to understand why we have different perceptions of this person. How is it possible for me to not like someone you like? I can imagine circumstances where I might try to persuade you that someone is bad for you, and if I successfully persuade you then I expect that you would give up that friendship voluntarily, but I don't think I would expect you to give up a friendship without being persuaded first.]
9. What should our budget priorities be? How will we make financial decisions? [This is a complicated subject. Let's talk about it at more length.]
10. Would you support me financially if I wanted to educate myself for a new career? [Sure. I know you've sometimes considered becoming a veterinarian, for example. If you want to, we'll make it happen, in as many different careers as you feel interested in.]
--
I could not love thee dear, so much,
Loved I not honor more.
However, you can make up your own version of the PREPARE test if you like. It won't be as sophisticated as the one a professional counselor would give you, but it could give you a rough idea of where you might have serious conflicts. But more importantly, it would help you understand how you would handle those conflicts after marriage.
Ask yourselves these questions:
1. Do you want to have children, and if so, how many? [Ideally I'd like four daughters named Samantha (Sam), Alexandra (Alex), Riley, and Jill.]
2. What religion do you want for our children? [I would like our family to be completely committed to the teachings of Jesus Christ, especially as taught in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.]
3. When our children are disobedient, how will you discipline them? [Ideally I'd like to raise my eyebrows and let them suffer the consequences of their own foolishness. I'm open to other approaches, especially when they are very young, but that's how I'd prefer to handle it. I'm a big believer in freedom of agency.]
4. How do you want to spend our vacations and holidays? [I'm not sure. For my own sake I'd probably just want to stay home, read books, and relax, but I expect that for the girls' sakes I'd want to frequently do things that give them new experiences, indoors, outdoors, and in the worlds of the mind.]
5. How much money do you expect me to earn? What if I never earned any money? [It would be fine with me if you never earned any money. In fact as a matter of fiscal discipline I would prefer it if we never, as a family, relied at all upon any money that you happened to earn even if you did feel like getting a professional job. That way you'd feel completely free to take any job you wanted, or leave any job you wanted, without any economic repercussions to family welfare. My goal is to make enough money for you to have that complete freedom.]
6. What kind of house would you like to own? Where would you like to live? [My mild preference is to have a house with no yard so there is no yardwork. If you decide that you want a yard because it looks nice I will do my best, because what's important to you should be important to me, but it's possible I might never learn to enjoy doing yardwork so please be patient.]
7. Do you expect me to make love to you whenever you want? If not, would you EVER expect me to make love to you? Would you leave me or have an affair if I never made love to you? [I don't think I would feel cheated if you never made love to me as long as we had a good friendship. That would obviously be inconvenient for our daughters, because they'd never get born, but as far as I'm concerned it's not something I feel like I need. I am not saying I won't feel physical desire for you and won't WANT to reach out to you that way, because you're super-cute and very desirable--but I don't think I would resent it if you hypothetically said "You're my best friend Max but I'm just not into touching and I think I never will be." I could be completely happy, I think, with a 100% verbal relationship with you, as long as I can count on you when I need you.]
8. If you don't like one of my friends, would you want me to give up the friendship? [I'm really not sure. At minimum I'd want to understand why we have different perceptions of this person. How is it possible for me to not like someone you like? I can imagine circumstances where I might try to persuade you that someone is bad for you, and if I successfully persuade you then I expect that you would give up that friendship voluntarily, but I don't think I would expect you to give up a friendship without being persuaded first.]
9. What should our budget priorities be? How will we make financial decisions? [This is a complicated subject. Let's talk about it at more length.]
10. Would you support me financially if I wanted to educate myself for a new career? [Sure. I know you've sometimes considered becoming a veterinarian, for example. If you want to, we'll make it happen, in as many different careers as you feel interested in.]
--
I could not love thee dear, so much,
Loved I not honor more.
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