I watched Rise of Skywalker and it was glorious! I have so much to say. It started off slow--I had fallen asleep twice by the time Rey blew up the transport, once for a few seconds and once for quite a bit longer. But then the movie really hit its stride, and every two minutes, like clockwork, it began showing me new ways to be logically, physically, narratively, dramatically, emotionally, or tactically ludicrous. It was glorious, like a movie script written and directed by a middle schooler who hasn't yet learned to "show, don't tell" (i.e. use acting instead of exposition) but that WASN'T THE END OF IT! There was another hour of glorious nonsense to go, and by the end of it I had changed my mind: this wasn't a movie script written by a middle schooler. It was halfway between a movie script written by a third grader, and the incoherent stream-of-consciousness insanity my subconscious spews at me when I'm asleep.
Storm troopers dressed like nuns? Old man Lando hitting on the female version of Finn? Luke and Leia looking like a married couple, no Han in sight? Faceless hordes of Sith death cults? Three COMPLETELY DIFFERENT evil master plan climaxes from Emperor Palpatine in the same scene, none of them so much as acknowledging the previous climax? Kylo Ren going completely mute for the last third of the movie for no apparent reason?
The weirdness is transcendent.
It. Was. Amazing.
This may be the worst movie I've ever seen. Yes, worse than Last Jedi, worse than Thor, *maybe* even worse than Spielberg's AI: Artificial Intelligence. Maybe. I'm not sure. They both left me incredulous with laughter every few minutes, but I think Rise of Skywalker did it more frequently, and for more total minutes.
-Max
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